In my continuing exploration in refining my habits, I have focused primarily on three areas this week: making use of our emotions as a guidance system, staying positively rooted in the midst of whatever negativity others may offer, and establishing new habits for ourselves, more in line with who we really are and the life we really want to be living.
I have found, in bringing my awareness into the habits I presently engage in, that embracing the idea that my emotions are my guidance system has been essential. I have made it a very conscious practice of stopping whatever I may be doing, and assessing how I feel in that moment. Paying Bills? How do I feel? Reading or commenting on a post on Facebook? How do I feel? Sitting in traffic or standing in line at the store? How do I feel? In knowing that what I’m feeling is the point from which I am attracting, there is a lot of daily activity that goes on, that while it may not feel wholly negative, sure doesn’t feel joyful. But it can.
If we can choose how we feel in any moment, why would we consciously choose to feel anything other than joyful? For many, it’s been so long since they reached for joy that when it happens, they are waiting for the other shoe to fall; they are waiting for the moment it will END. They believe that happiness can’t last. They’ve trained their expectations not to trust the joy that is our birthright – they believe something must be WRONG if they feel good.
Changing this way of thinking in ourselves, like any new skill, takes a bit of effort in the beginning, but once you begin to get a feel for it, you’ll start to notice other areas in your life where you could choose to feel good rather than running the same old pattern. Direct your thoughts to a better feeling place before you take action that normally feels bad to you. Soon it will re-train the automatic emotional response that something like paying bills may trigger.
It won’t be easy at first. When you start reaching for feelings of joy and happiness in everything you do, your awareness of the negative mindsets of those who are NOT may jump out at you rather abruptly. I would imagine it is similar to someone who has given up recreational drugs, trying to see from his sober perspective what he had ever found so appealing about the people he used to get high with.
This is normal. It’s a transition period, and not everyone you are presently friends (or family) with will be willing or able to make that transition with you. The Matrix has them . You did not come to this place without feeling a need for a change in your life – give them the space to find their own strong desire for a change, and you will become a shining example to them of what they could choose for themselves.
It can seem at times that the pull of other’s negativity can be too much to resist. And if you are trying to resist or push against it, you’ve already been swept up in it. The pushing against anything negative will feel as bad as engaging in it- and if you feel bad, you attract more of those bad feeling circumstances. This can be particularly trying when we feel sympathy for those we care about. Feeling sympathy for others means we focus on their problem until we harmonize with it- we FEEL that problem as if it is ours.
As Abraham-Hicks puts it, “you’re never of value to another (and you never offer a solution) when you are feeling negative emotion, because the presence of negative emotion within you means you are focused upon the lack of what is wanted, rather than what is wanted.” So in effect, not only is sympathizing with others ineffective as a solution, but it also compounds and amplifies the problem, as now there are two people focused upon the feeling of lack and attracting even more of the essence of that. Clearly this is not the desired result of the well-meaning intentions behind sympathy.
“There is nothing you can do to prevent others from feeling bad, because they do not feel bad because of your behavior. There is no greater entrapment in relationships… [than] taking upon yourself the responsibility of another’s happiness; you are attempting the impossible.”
Many of us are currently engaged in work or other environments that seem to abound with complainers – and while leaving that can sometimes be an option, it’s likely you’ll find a similar situation at the next place in some form. What is more useful is to adjust the energy you are putting out while still in that place. In these circumstances, I’ve found that thinking of myself as an immovable object – like an oak – helps me to visualize the idea of staying rooted in my positive perspective no matter what may be going on around me. I become, in essence, the calm in the eye of the storm.
As you hold your own attitude in that positive place, there are a couple ways I’ve found to proceed. First, don’t engage anyone in their typical negative rants – be absolutely non-responsive with them. You are already skilled in filtering out what is of NO interest to you – filter this out like you are overhearing a conversation in a foreign language – because from your new vantage point, that’s what it is.
Second, and this is a more bold approach – when others are in the midst of their rant, tune them out until you hear them say something- anything positive (or if an idea comes to you) and take over the conversation on that positive topic. Butt in. Talk over them. Talk at a louder volume. Do whatever you have to do to find that silver lining and marvel at it with such fervor that the person cannot continue in the same line of thought. This is what’s referred to in hypnosis as a pattern interrupt. You effectively have grabbed the steering wheel of the conversation and jerked it into the direction you want to go. And in the broader, spiritual context, you have also abruptly reset your point of attraction to positive, good feelings again, likely taking that person along for the ride with you.
Filtering out negativity and releasing the old non-productive habits that bring you down are vital in those types of situations. And once we are out of the unbalanced environment and have returned to our own safe haven, it follows that the next logical step in fine-tuning our alignment is in establishing and embracing NEW productive habits. This week, my girlfriend had a great idea for doing just that.
In our individual enthusiasm for creating and living the life and conditions of our dreams, she and I both kept coming across the same recipe, over and over and over: Imagine and feel the desire as if it is already fulfilled. Spending time each day imagining the details and feeling the emotions of the life you want to be living tunes you to being a vibrational match to that, and then you will actually be living it.
She suggested, when we get home and greet each other after a long day at work with the standard “How was your day?” instead of recounting the list of details and facts about our present work environment, why not answer that question by telling each other all about the day AS IF WE WERE ALREADY LIVING the life we most want? What better way to simply let go of the negative moments than to do a pattern interrupt for ourselves?
We’ve only begun to explore the “How was your day” game, but from our experience with it, dialoguing back and forth with each other about all the amazing, wonderful experiences of the day you WANT to be having has felt incredibly good. And since it’s our game, we can jump around in time, and tell a new story each night about a different day, 1 year from now, or a month, or 10 years ahead, or whatever we want. It’s a lot of fun- see for yourself. And in that vein, I leave you with one more powerful thought to ponder…
“The Universe can’t give you anything other than what you’ve trained yourself to expect. Most people allow reality to train their expectation. But when you discover that you can use your imagination to train your expectation, now you can be the creator or anything you desire.”